Living In the Moment

I have a habit of daydreaming. I get lost in my thoughts about the future. I start with an idea of what I want for myself, and then start mentally constructing plans on how to make that happen. The problem is sometimes these are things that are far down the road, which means consuming cerebral energy by laying down plans might be futile – who knows what things in my life will change between now and then. Even more importantly, dreams are quite plastic, and my current desires may evolve into something new. For most of this semester, my daydream thoughts have been preoccupied with the future of my career and where I (might) move after Austin. After graduation, I’ve had my mind’s eye set on doing my CFY in Honolulu. I’ve searched for positions, and already found a placement offered for a CFY in adult rehabilitation services. I’ve casually looked into apartment availability, and fantasized about how I would spend my free time, what scenic runs I could take, learning to surf, meeting new people and making new friends.

In less than a month I will be finishing my first semester of clinic, but I still have four more left to go. This past week I’ve been practicing living in the moment.

And wow…how liberating it has been! Where will I be in a year and a half? Who cares! I’m in Austin now! What will I be doing? We’ll find out when I get there, but relax and don’t worry about it until it gets closer. Whom will I be dating, if anyone? Only time will tell. Whom will I be friends with? Let my current friendships evolve as they will, and open myself to cultivate new ones. It’s amazing. I feel so free, so energetic, and so happy.

My heart is lighter. Every day, I now focus on my running, my projects for class, my lesson plans, my sessions, and my clients’ progress, my current friendships and relationships. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I have faith.

When I first started therapy, I over-planned. I would script out exactly what I wanted to say at each moment of the session. But it wasn’t working….sessions rarely go exactly as outlined in the lesson plan, and I’ve started to learn to provide myself with a basic goal, and then just kind of going with the flow. Sessions are dynamic by nature, and I’ve been learning to respond accordingly. It’s all about the art of flexibility, and knowing that you can find a way to deal with whatever comes your way.

And now I’m generalizing that lesson to other areas. I’m learning that I can let go of over-planning my life, eliminating unnecessary stress by allowing myself to focus only on what’s important right now, and enjoying the ride. I’m learning to relax about things not only when I schedule time for myself to decompress, but all of the time.

And it is so amazing. :-)