Dismissed

My week home was wonderful. It flew by, and it was warm and lush and so very green green green, much like the Pennsylvanian summers I remember. It went fast, and I actually traveled a lot (day trip to Maryland with the family, day trip to New York for the shower, and both Wednesdays were spent traveling). Despite that, I also made sure to get in a lot of downtime with my family: late night chats and Discovery Health Channel with my sis (being in medical professions, we’re both seriously addicted to Mystery Diagnosis, Mystery ER, etc…she was so great at diagnosing, too – definitely has some solid nursing skills), walks after dinner with my Mom and sis, ooo….the Grey’s season finale (although I seriously believe that my cousin and I are the only two people left that still follow the show), and my first real shopping spree with my Mom and sis in probably over three years.

Being back in Austin has been great, and likewise has been going fast. This weekend I managed to get in a lot of playtime with friends, my boyfriend, and his new roommate, and tonight I babysat. Since coming back, I’ve caught up on errands, bills, recycling, cleaning, and rebooted my yoga practice. I’ve started doing dropbacks (I’ve got the dropping back part down, but the coming up part I’m struggling with). I’ve also started doing side crow pose (I can get it on my left side, but not my right side yet – my right side is always slower to follow in almost everything I learn). I still do my headstands next to the wall, but my instructor told me two weeks ago she thinks it’s just a prop. Mentally, I still feel like I need it. Physically, I don’t use it nearly as much as I used. She said I should just try doing it away from the wall and see if I can pop up. The only times I’ve felt brave enough to try it lately I’ve been a bit inebriated (anyone else crave asanas after a beer or two?), but decided against it. Regardless, it’s weeks like this that make yoga worthwhile and so exciting. It’s the achievements, whether little or big, that make it thrilling. One day, you’re trying for the 70^th consecutive time to do something you’ve been attempting for what feels like ages and then the next day, you graduate – your body is now capable of doing something that long ago you once thought would’ve been impossible. It's a pretty amazing feeling.

Lastly, and a bit randomly, I’ve been thinking about something a friend had said to me about two years ago. At the time, I was struggling with letting someone go out of my life when he was making it evident he desperately wanted nothing else but out. After seeking his advice, my friend said to me: “Don’t worry. You’ll get better at it with time. You learn to dwell less, and move on. I’ve actually gotten scary-good at kicking people out of my life.” Two years later, I don’t think I’ve completely fulfilled that prediction, but I have noticed it in some ways I’ve learned to rid my life of people who are obviously bad for me. Last September, I made a decision to rid my life of things (thoughts, habits, and even people) that were, for lack of a better word, “toxic” to my happiness. I started seeing people in their true light, and noticed how much crappier I felt after hanging out with them. I noticed how they treated others, what their priorities were, and how they responded to challenges to their conscience.

Over the past year I’ve had to dismiss a few people from my life for various reasons, and true to my friend’s words…it was not as hard as I thought it would be. I don’t think it means I’m any better at letting people go, but perhaps I’ve gotten better at moving on from people and situations that I know are bad for me, things that will only cause unrest in my heart and drama in my life. When my goal is love and peace of mind, why would I want any unnecessary anxiety hanging around? Why would I want to associate with people who are self-centered and petty, or to stand for being mistreated? I do not wish them malevolence, but neither do I wish them the best. I am indifferent. The opposite of adoration/love is apathy. I think this means I’m learning how to recognize what is good for me, and what could potentially cause me harm. I’m learning to surround myself more with likeminded and wonderful people….good and true friends who see me for who I am and would do anything for me and I would do anything for, friends who are loving, caring, and genuine. I don’t know why it took me years to discover that one’s freedom to choose whom to associate with is a liberating reality.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

If someone is treating you recklessly, let go and move on to a greater good.

Listen to your body

Yeah, soooo that sore throat turned out to be strep. Unfortunately, the PA that attended to me at the UHS didn’t believe me when I told her I thought it was strep and didn’t do rapid culture test, and by Wednesday my throat was so sore and swollen I was occasionally choking on my saliva. Luckily, I went back the next day and the Z-pack kicked in pretty quickly….I’m still not quite back to normal, but getting there. Moral of the story: listen to your body. If you know something is not right, be insistent with your health care provider.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I hosted a pool party. It was so much fun, and so long awaited…he and I have both had an intense semester. We swam, we grilled, we played some card games, we ate some amazing desserts, we had some beer, and we stayed up until the wee hours dancing to an iPod mix and talking with friends. It’s nights like those that make me feel alive and so young, and so very lucky.

Today was chill. I’m still not feeling great, so I slept in late and skipped my workout, but I did spend most of the day running around Ikea like a kid, which was awesome. We even got ice-cream cones on the way out. :-)

Ugh, I still feel like such a space cadet, my mind is just completely untethered to any coherent string of thoughts. I am looking forward very much to getting my health back. I miss my running and my intense yoga sessions. I’ve noticed since moving to Austin I get sick much more easily, and I’m wondering what it is. I already eat healthy, but I definitely have poor sleeping habits. I think I’m going to try to be better about getting more sleep this summer, and set up a good routine that I can carry into the very busy fall I have coming up.

Hmm. I guess the only other exciting thing that has been going on has been that I did a TON of cooking the party: triple chocolate mousse cake (YES), homemade brownies with a delectable icing, dip for the chips, and an amazingly scrumptious salad dressing that I’d like to share.

Honey Balsamic Dressing

Ingredients

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar

1 small onion, chopped (I skipped this since there were onions in the salad)

1 tablespoon soy sauce

3 tablespoons honey

1 tablespoon white sugar (I used brown sugar instead)

2 cloves garlic, minced (I added some garlic powder since i didn't have garlic on hand)

1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

2/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil

Directions

1. Place the vinegar, onion, soy sauce, honey, sugar, garlic, and red pepper flakes into a blender. Puree on high, gradually adding the olive oil. Continue pureeing 2 minutes, or until thick.

(I just whisked everything together in a bowl since the blender was being used for frozen drinks, and it still came out delicious!)

Juice Fast

Well, looks like I might be doing an unintentional juice fast today. I woke up this morning with my palatine tonsils so swollen that I cringe in swallowing even my saliva. I can feel significant constriction in the velvar and lateral-posterior pharyngeal muscles, and all I keep praying is "Please, please do not let this be strep or mono." The weird thing is that there are no other symptoms. No fever, I'm a little tired but hey that's expected (finals week). No cough. No stuffy nose. So bizarre.

I can't get a decent look in there to see if there are white spots (sometimes a telltale sign of strep), but nothing seems to be standing out. But good God it's annoying!! Did you know the average person swallows approximately 2,400 times a day? Yeah....I never really noticed either...until now.

I blended up some frozen mango and Vitamin Water for brunch, and managed to force it down, and luckily I'm well-stocked with cranberry juice, vitamin waters, coconut juice, and plenty of tea if I need it.

I have a dr's appt for tomorrow afternoon. If it's not cleared up by morning, it's probably worth getting checked out.

Well, on a happy note I did have an awesome weekend! I went horsebackriding and did yoga with a friend at this place about an hour south of Austin called Inspired Riding. Here's a photo of Bizzy(?) and me cantering around the ring. He was a bit slow for an Arabian (note the riding crop), but was also almost as old as I am:

Man, I forgot how much I missed riding! I know someone near Austin that has a horse that needs to be ridden, and I think I just may take them up on the offer now.

Saturday night, some friends and I went downtown to see my favorite 80's cover hairband, LC Rocks at Speakeasy. They are soooooo good! I got to meet and get a picture with the lead vocalist, Matt...he was so sweet and friendly!! Here's a video of them covering Guns 'N Roses "Sweet Child O Mine" (sorry it's so seasick-wobbly...I was probably dancing ;-)):

Yesterday I took a friend's dog on a 4 mile run. It was a lot of fun, and I really felt a little safer having a canine with me, especially since it was on a trail that is not in view of traffic. I really can't wait until I get to have my own four-legged running buddy! I really want a bigger dog....something with endurance and a goofball personality. Maybe a Great Dane/Labrador mix? Then last night my friend and I got together to do yoga and pilates together. It really made me push myself harder in my practice than I sometimes do with my own private practice. I think we're going to try to make it a more regular occurrence.

Welp, I guess it's about time to get myself and sad little infected lymph glands elbow deep in some studying. Two days, baby. Go hard or go home.

Happy Monday peeps, and please say a little thought and prayer for me that I kick this illness' butt today and tonight.

Finals Freakout

Oh, finals week again. I never seem to survive finals without freaking out a substantial amount, although I will say this time around my test anxiety is a little better than it usually is. But still, I can feel the Chihuahua nerves rattling, the insomnia creeping in, and the immense exhaustion trailing me closely, following my scent as I make my way through the next week.

Summer vaca lurks just around the corner….so close yet also elusive, allowing only glimpses of what freedom brings.

I have one test in 25 minutes, followed by a big final from 5-7 pm, and then I get to go home and study for another exam tomorrow at 8 am.

Then I have 2 5-page papers to work on, and one or two finals (yeah, I need to look into that…) next Wednesday and/or Thursday.

My actual break will only be a two or three weeks…I’m taking a first session summer class from June to July and will surely be racking up the babysitting hours, too. I’m still waiting to hear about the internship (unpaid, but hey, I’ll take it!).

Oh man, I’d so rather be kayaking right now. Or reading a novel poolside. Or whipping up one of the twenty new recipes I’ve got on my To Try list. Or going on a nice long leisurely run, exploring new parts of Austin.

My inner escapist is surfacing.

Fight or flight, my friend.

Now is not the time to run. Now is the time to rise to the occasion, to SUIT UP.

To rush off warrior-like into combat against essays, diagrams, and tests of memory and knowledge.

To summon my inner ninja, and tackle the challenge.

And it all starts now, with my Anat/Phys test.

CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!