Admitting Defeat

Being defeated sucks.

First, it has the capacity to undermine the confidence we’ve built up in ourselves. It might pose a struggle, too….we might be in denial, and not ready to throw in the towel. We know we’re fighting a losing battle, we know we’re sinking and there’s little chance of rising back, but we grit our teeth and hold out. We put our last remaining ounces of energy into that often encouraging/sometimes deceitful notion of hope, thinking if maybe we just try a little harder we will win this thing.

But sometimes we don’t. Sometimes you need to just know when it’s over. Occasionally it’s a relief, knowing that finally the exhaustion of the struggle is done, but most of the time it’s just really damn disappointing.

That’s where I am tonight. In one area of my life, tonight I have been defeated. I’ve tried my best, and it wasn’t enough. And now I’m left down, somewhat saddened and slightly broken up about it. And I’m finally admitting what I should have long ago.

I will move past it. Maybe starting tomorrow. But for tonight, it just plain sucks.