Darkness

This Christmas break I saw The Black Swan three times in theaters. It was a great movie, and I highly recommend it. It was very sinister and dark.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little dark myself.

I think the weather has played the culprit for much of the shadows in my atmosphere. The past week or two have been remarkably cold and wintry for Texas, highs in the 30’s and lows almost in the teens, and the past two days it has been raining. I’ve been caged up inside the apartment, and thus have been bottling all of my energy inside (no running = no energy discharge). I’ve also been spending a lot of time alone.

Hot chocolate weather my butt. That is a good excuse for a day or two. After days of freezing, I’m ready to play outside again. I’m ready to thaw the blue from my fingers and toes and marinate my skin in delicious sunshine.

The “dark side” can feel cavernous at times. Luckily mine is usually well concealed even from me, but when it emerges it does so as an unfortunate familiar foe.

I think part of the anxiety and darkness is from the semester starting (in two days). I’ve gotten a general outline of my schedule, but don’t know my exact time slots for clinic. I know I’ll have some early ones, and am hoping that my late clinic doesn’t last too late. Part of me is ready to go back to work. Part of me is dreading the hours and stress. I am hoping this semester is a little less stressful than last semester.

And oh, break…where did you go? So fast – I remember decorating for Christmas and the astonishing feeling of freedom I had at knowing the next 5 weeks were mine! My plan was to cook more, read more, paint more, and run more. A running injury thwarted that plan, but I did cook a LOT. I think perhaps the most ingenious one were black bean brownies. They made a chocolate delicacy an almost-health food. Awesome.

And, on a last note, New Year’s resolutions. I’m normally not one to make them, but last year I did really well at keeping mine (to be better about recycling everything I could), so after 3 weeks into 2011 I finally settled on the things I want MOST to improve this year.

1. Keep in touch better with my family and friends. During the fall semester, I all but vanished from the radar. I want to try and keep in touch with my loved ones….even if it’s just once a week or every two weeks.

2. Cut back on my sodium. I have low blood pressure (last time at the doc’s it was 90/63), but I eat a TON of salt. I excessively salt my vegetables, potato chips, pasta, chicken, my mac and cheese, my frozen dinners….sometimes I pour a spoonful of salt and just eat it straight…that’s how much I crave it. I also drink water like it’s going out of style (average 3-5 liters of water a day). I’ve gotten a lot of comments from people about how much salt I eat, so (for at least a month) I’m going to try to stop salting my food. If I find that it works for me, I will try to do it for the rest of the year.

Let’s see how it goes. :-)